Building Resilience as a Performer: Handling Rejection, Bad Sets, and Negativity

In the world of live performance, resilience is a key part of success. Whether it’s dealing with rejection from auditions, bouncing back after a tough set, or brushing off negative comments and slurs, every performer faces moments that test their strength and dedication. As LGBTQ+ performers, we often deal with an added layer of scrutiny and even hostility, which makes resilience all the more essential. Building resilience doesn’t mean pretending things don’t hurt; it’s about finding ways to grow, protect your peace, and keep showing up, no matter what.

Here are some strategies to help foster resilience, maintain self-compassion, and keep your passion alive, even in the face of rejection, tough shows, and negativity.

1. Rejection from Auditions: Remember It’s Not Personal

Rejection is a huge part of the performing arts. Whether it’s a “no” from an audition or not getting booked for a gig you were excited about, it’s easy to take it personally. But it’s important to remember that rejection is rarely a reflection of your worth or talent. Casting decisions are influenced by countless factors, most of which are completely out of your control—timing, chemistry, the right “look,” or simply a director’s vision.

Instead of dwelling on the “no,” use it as a learning experience. After every audition, ask yourself: What went well? What could I improve on next time? By focusing on the process rather than the outcome, you can build a growth mindset that helps you improve with each audition, instead of letting rejection undermine your confidence. And remember: everyone, even the biggest stars, has faced countless rejections on their way to success.

2. Practice Self-Compassion After a Bad Set

Every performer has rough shows. It might be a set that doesn’t land, an audience that’s hard to read, or just an off night. These moments can feel defeating, but self-compassion is key. After a tough set, resist the urge to berate yourself. Instead, treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend who just went through the same experience.

Try this technique: after a bad show, take a few deep breaths, acknowledge how you feel, and remind yourself that one set doesn’t define your ability or worth. A phrase like, “That was tough, but it doesn’t change who I am or what I’m capable of,” can help reframe your mindset. Treat it as a learning experience and recognize that bad sets happen to everyone, no matter how experienced. Giving yourself grace creates a safe space to grow from mistakes rather than letting them diminish your confidence.

3. Debrief, Don’t Dwell: Use Setbacks as Learning Moments

When things don’t go as planned—whether it’s a botched joke, a tough crowd, or a misstep during a performance—give yourself a short debrief afterward. Reflect on what happened, without judgment. What went wrong, and why? What could you try differently next time?

Write down a few notes, look for patterns, and use these moments as growth opportunities. Then, let it go. Don’t dwell on what didn’t work. Focusing on growth instead of perfection keeps you moving forward and prevents you from getting stuck in self-doubt.

4. Dealing with Hate and Negativity: Choose How You Respond

As LGBTQ+ performers, we sometimes face negativity that’s targeted, rude, and even hateful. Being called slurs or hearing negative names can be deeply painful, but resilience is about choosing how to respond. Remember that people who use hateful language are often projecting their own insecurities and fears. Their words reflect them, not you.

One way to cope is to mentally detach from these comments, seeing them as noise rather than personal attacks. Tell yourself, “This isn’t about me; it’s about them,” and try to let it roll off. If you’re on stage, humor can be an effective way to defuse these moments, but only if it feels comfortable and empowering for you. Sometimes, a calm, non-reactive response speaks louder than any comeback, showing that their words have no power over you.

Afterward, if the comments linger, talk to someone who understands—fellow performers, friends, or mentors who can help you process it. Don’t let others’ negativity convince you to be less than who you are. Your identity, passion, and commitment to your craft are more powerful than hate.

5. Take Care of Your Mental and Emotional Health

Building resilience is about taking care of yourself. Performers often pour so much into their work that they forget to replenish their own energy. Make time for things that recharge you, whether that’s a workout, time with friends, a favorite hobby, or therapy. Prioritizing mental and emotional well-being helps you show up on stage with a full tank, ready to give it your all.

Setting boundaries around your time and energy is also essential. Know when to step back from social media, avoid certain people or situations, or take a break from performing if you need to. Remember, resilience doesn’t mean powering through at all costs—it means taking the steps necessary to come back stronger.

6. Celebrate Small Wins and Keep Perspective

In an industry where “big breaks” are few and far between, it’s easy to feel like you’re only moving forward with major wins. But small wins are just as valuable, and celebrating them helps build resilience. A good set, positive feedback from a colleague, or even just getting through a tough gig without giving up—these are all steps on your journey that deserve recognition.

Resilience also means keeping perspective. Remind yourself why you started performing in the first place. Reflect on the progress you’ve made, and appreciate the journey. Every audition, every set, and every moment on stage is part of building your dream. Focusing on the joy of performing helps you stay connected to what truly matters, so that the setbacks and challenges feel less overwhelming.

7. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Resilience doesn’t have to be a solo effort. Build a support network of people who lift you up—fellow performers, friends, mentors, or family members who understand your journey. Having people to turn to after a rough set or a rejection makes a huge difference. Sometimes just sharing your experiences and hearing someone say, “I get it” is enough to lighten the load.

Seek out LGBTQ+ performer networks or online communities where you can share experiences, get advice, and find camaraderie. Knowing that others have faced similar struggles helps you feel less alone and reminds you that setbacks are just a part of the process.

Final Thoughts: Resilience as a Path to Growth

Resilience as a performer isn’t about avoiding hard moments—it’s about learning how to navigate them with self-compassion, grace, and perspective. Each rejection, tough set, or negative comment is a stepping stone toward becoming a stronger, more self-assured artist. Building resilience means growing through the challenges and showing yourself that you have the power to keep moving forward, no matter what comes your way.

For more insights on thriving as a performer and handling the ups and downs of the industry, follow along on Instagram @RenQComedy. Because resilience is about more than bouncing back—it’s about knowing that nothing can stop you from sharing your voice with the world.